A camping trip becomes a nightmare when the solitude of a peaceful mountain is shattered by the onslaught of a ravenous zombie horde. Fleeing to what appears to be a deserted town, the group discovers a secret Vampire community and fears that all hope is lost. But the vampires take the defenseless humans under their wing and an all-out war between vampires and zombies begins.and the trailer for it looked like it could be good to watch for a good laugh. Just like with Wreckage so much of this synopsis is wrong and at no point did I laugh, except for out of sheer confusion.
Unlike with some of my other reviews, I'm not recapping much of what happened because honestly I don't remember most of what happened. This is how bad this movie was. I was so confused by what was going on that I couldn't really follow what was happening. What I do know is that there was no camping trip. They did not flee to a deserted town (they stopped at a motel) and they did not discover a secret vampire community. No, a group of people with guns jumped out of a van and started shooting things up, even killing some of the characters that have been set up to be the main characters of the film. We find out from the shoot-em-up squad that the things that have suddenly come out of nowhere and attacked them are Zombie Vampires. A. That makes no fucking sense and B. Isn't this supposed to be about Vampires VS Zombies...VS!
One of the guys, that has gotten blood on him/bitten by the Zombie Vampires, has a flashback of him and the only woman on their team fighting back as Vikings or something. It really doesn't matter because everyone looked like they'd gone to Target to get some costumes for their Viking Cosplay. You find out that they were enemies and then a cloaked figure, that I call the 'Magic Druid' comes and offers them something/a way to survive if they agree to team up. They agree and then we go to present day and a minute later both are dead.
The others find shelter in a building and two humans that are left find out the the 'shoot-em-up' gang are really vampires, but they're good vampires. Okay, so there are just vampires, but the movie isn't supposed to be Vampires vs Zombie Vampires. We then see flashbacks of Vietnam and the Old West, the 'Magic Druid' showing up in both. Yes, I understand that it's probably the same vampire, but I like calling it the 'Magic Druid.' More people die, leaving just the vampire leader and a female human, who he bites so he can have strength, and therefor turns her...I think. Reinforcement vampires come in and save the day and then there's talk about finding the second half of a parchment for something and...yeah I don't even know.
If the plot had followed the synopsis that was written then it might have been good, but what I saw and you're reading about above was just....crap...a fucking steaming pile of crap in the shape of a DVD. I kept getting lost as to what was going on, the 'main' characters really aren't the main characters because all but one of them dies within the first 15 minutes of the film. The first flashback just comes out of nowhere and left me going 'what the fuck is going on?' The only reason I remotely knew what was going on with the other flashbacks was because of the first one, but still they weren't needed. There was no character development, I didn't even know anyone's name, and therefor I didn't give a shit when someone died. This movie had no redeeming qualities and doesn't deserve to exist. Someone needs to keep Phase 4 Films from producing anything else.
0 out of 5 stars.
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